There she stood
at the end of the room, looking all radiant and all beautiful. She never looked
prettier and it was all that he hoped to see in that exact moment. However, she
seemed blurry and kind of unreal but that was probably because he just woke up from
sleeping in front of his typing machine again and had a terrible headache
because of all the alcohol he spent all night and some parts of the day
drinking.
She stood
there smiling at him, and he looked at her and felt so at ease and some kind of
calm, he tried to clear his eyes and that is when he felt the heavy dried tears
on his cheeks and he knew that he spent all night crying. In that moment, he
hated himself as much as a person can hate a nemesis because he felt that he is
living a pathetic miserable existence, but that is all history now isn’t? She
is here again; the only person he loved and trusted for years, the only person
he loved and felt at home when he is around them. She was to his life what a
leg is to a table: the only way to stay so stable because the moment she left him;
he fell down on his face. She was his shelter, that place he knew whenever things
went sideways he could always go to, to hide from this life and terrible world.
She stood
there with her incomparable charm and beauty and she made him feel way better
than he felt for the past few years. Her presence was always all that he needed
because through her he could actually make sense of what is happening around
him.
He was
known for being the one with a story to tell, the guy who always finds the
proper thing to say in every situation and the one that doesn’t let the silence
get so awkward. However, there she stood and he couldn’t say a word. He didn’t
believe it; maybe it was too good to be true for him. He wondered how she got
in and then he remembered that he never changed the locks in hope that someday,
something like this would happen. He still asked her how she got in and she
said in the most beautiful voice ever, a voice that made his world shake, his
knees feel so weak. A voice that made him want to cry and laugh at the same time,
a voice that made his heart skip a beat and his body become numb. She told him:
“Well, love, I kept the keys for such occasions because I knew no matter how
far we would go apart from each other, we would always end up together. Because
my darling, we are meant to be for each other.”
He finally
did something that didn’t happen for years, he actually smiled! He felt the
greatest feeling of them all, he felt loved again. He had to say something so
he stood up, looked at her for few seconds, opened his mouth but the words didn’t
come out, she smiled and told him: “well, you don’t have to say anything, I
already know what you want to say”
To what he
answered: “No, I have to talk, I have to say something. I am sorry, no I guess
sorry doesn’t even cut it, I apologize for everything and anything I have done.
I missed you, I missed us. My life has been a wreck, I have been a mess, I am a
mess.”
“But you
are my mess, my wreck. You are my one and only.”
“And you
are my life, my existence; you are my “everything”. I missed you and without
you I felt so hopeless. I missed your
voice, your beauty, the smell of your perfume, the taste of your sweet lips,
the hugs and the kisses. I missed everything. I look at you and I can’t believe
how silly and stupid I was for letting you go, I should never have acted that
stupid, I should have fought for you until my last breath. But I changed, look,
I have changed, I am writing a bit more. Look, I even got a typing machine, the
thing you always told me to get. I kept listening to your old records; the
music helped me so much. Hell, the house is a mess and I know I have to fix
some shit but you are here now, I will stop drinking, I will be there for you
every waking hour of the day, I will be here and love you forever. You will inspire
me and finally I would write that freaking best seller I always dreamt about.”
He stopped
for a second look at how beautiful she eyes and how her big blue eyes lighten
the dark room around them and then continued: “I missed you so much, I am
currently holding myself from running to you and kissing you until I can’t
breathe any longer, I am holding myself from falling down and crying at your
feet. You don’t like me like that, you always loved the strong person that I
was and I am going to be whatever you need me to be. I didn’t see other people
and I hope you didn’t either. Oh, what a silly person I am, of course you have,
it has been years, but I don’t mind that, it is your right, I shouldn’t be so
selfish. But I didn’t, I couldn’t see myself between the arms of another woman
and I still can’t; now the feeling is stronger than ever. Look, I named my
book, the waves of her eyes, just like we agreed, just like I describe your
eyes every time I see them. Look here, I kept your favourite sweater, it is
probably dirty because I sleep hugging it every night. But who cares, it still
has your smell.”
He took a
deep breath and then kept on talking to her: “I can’t even start thinking about
what we can do together and what we should do. I know one thing for sure I have
to do, which is kiss you.”
And as he
was going towards her, he heard the phone ring and that is weird because in
months the phone didn’t ring, he was kind of cut off the world. He didn’t care
and kept walking but she told him: “Love, I am here I won’t leave, you probably
should take that”
He picked
up the phone and there was the voice of her best friend, he smiled thinking
that she will ask him if she was at his place but what he heard was completely
different:
“Hey, I
hope I am not disturbing you but I thought you should hear this. I know it has
been years but she had a car crush and she is” She started crying and said: “she
died”
He said: “Oh
I am sorry to hear that, if you want to talk you can pass by and we will be
here for you” He looked at his love in a comforting look. “But who died?”
“Liz,
Elizabeth, your ex.”
“Oh no, I
think you are confused, she is not dead, she is here with me, I am looking at
her right now.” He looked at her but she wasn’t there, then he heard some noise
in the kitchen. “Oh she is in the kitchen, probably cooking because she knows
how much I love her cooking and how much I missed it”.
“Dear, she
was actually on her way to see you but... But she is not there, she is here in
the hospital and they just informed us that she died because of the accident”.
“No, that
can’t be true; you are insane, she is right here. He called her “Liz, Liz,
Lizzie.” Then he went back to the phone conversation “You are mistaken my dear,
she is here with me, I will make her call you.” He hang up and ran to the
kitchen but she wasn’t there, he went crazy, he started trashing the kitchen
and smashing dishes, then he went back to the living room and she was there
sitting on the sofa. He was relieved and he smiled saying: “Oh you scared me,
you friend is going mental, she is saying you died and you had a car crush, I
mean you had an accident and then died at the hospital, can you believe how
crazy she is? I guess she…” Then he stopped talking when she started fading in
front of him, it is like a moving picture fading away, he couldn’t believe it.
He ran to the sofa to hold her but the moment he tried to touch her, his hand
passed through her and he kept looking at his hands in denial. He felt tears
coming down his cheeks as he bolted to the other rooms looking for her in every
inch and when he couldn’t find her, he broke down screaming and crying. He was
hallucinating and she was never there, she is dead.
He was on
the floor, crying his heart out and everything seemed so dark. He is losing it.
She is gone…
She is
dead, Elizabeth is dead…
(To be
Continued)
W.H
